Do the Right Thing No Matter What

 

Even if you have so-called brothers and sisters in Christ opposing you, do what God has called you to do. Opposition when you have been given a calling is very real. I have experienced it many times. I won't be naming anyone in this. Sometimes "well-meaning" friends and family open their mouths and speak when they really should shut up and listen.

I had much opposition when I was 22 years old and moved to Mexico. I understood why some might be afraid for my safety, but I was without doubt that this was something God had put into my heart to do. I had faith that He could and would keep me safe, but also that if I got raped or killed, He would use those bad experiences for good because that's how He works sometimes. All things work together for good to those who are called.

It is not pride that made me think I had a calling. I think everyone does. Mexico for me was not always easy. I was surrounded by hurting children. I was young and I was the only blue-eyed person in the village where I lived. I stood out. In the beginning, I was not well received by the people in town. But I won them over by the end. The women loved me because I purposefully went to them and humbly asked them to teach me how to make tortillas and tamales. The men were won over by my befriending their wives and not being haughty. The kids were easy to win. 

But at home in Texas, I had people who loved me oppose me. I had people try to talk me out of it and even tell me that I hadn't heard from God at all. They had every right to be wrong, I guess. It hurt me that instead of telling me they were pleased in me for making this very difficult decision to leave my home and go off alone to another country to serve God, they "scolded" me and warned me of the bad things that could happen to me. One person went as low as to say, "you have really let yourself go as a missionary and don't even wear makeup anymore." What on earth?

I took the opposition with me in my heart as a crushing blow. Then I realized that the people in this foreign land started loving me more than some people at home. They accepted me. 

My dad was one of the people who believed in what I was doing (even though there were some people who tried to convince me that he was against it). He even began raising cattle to donate food to the children's home where I lived and beyond. And through my two years of doing this, one of his own wise counsels came true for me - I became proficient in the Spanish language.

My experience in Mexico was hard, but it was exactly the right thing for me to do. It gave me opportunities later in life that I wouldn't have otherwise had. Knowing Spanish and being able to tell people here that I lived in Mexico has given me many opportunities to share God's love with Hispanic people in the States.

I learned a long time ago to do the right thing, the thing God has called me to do no matter what. It is a shame that Christians oppose each other so often. A lot of that comes from not really shutting our mouths and listening. We rush to judgment. We rashly open our mouths and give our opinions when really we should close our mouths. Pray WITH and FOR a person when they have shared with you a vision from God, a calling. When I had friends and family who had other visions for my life, I had to decide not to care about their opinions. Sadly, many of these folks have never been given the joyful experience of letting me show them photos or tell them stories that might bless their hearts because they hate Mexico and to this day, do not approve of what I did. Imagine that! They don't approve? None of their business what God calls someone else to do! They need to hear from the Lord about what they are supposed to do and then pray for me as I follow God's call.

If God tells me to start a publishing company for childhood cancer, instead of worrying that I'll fail and instead of questioning how on earth I'll be able to pull that off, listen to what I just told you and say, "I'll pray for God to bless you as you obey Him in this." Then pray. Don't judge. Don't gossip about me. Instead, tell me that you are so pleased that I am listening to Him and obeying Him. Hug me. Celebrate with me just like I would celebrate with you and encourage you when you obey His calling on your life. 

Know when to speak. Know when to shut up. There is a time for both. If I come to you and say, "I feel like God is calling me to this or that", say that you will pray with me. If I say, "I need or want your counsel or advice", pray first and then give me what the Holy Spirit has advised.

But if I come to you after much prayer and tell you that God has called me to something, that is not an opportunity for you to speak, to advise. I never have gone out on my own to do anything without seeking counsel from the ones I trust. My decisions come after hearing from God and seeking wise counsel. That happened with Mexico and that happened with being a teacher and being a wife and all the nonprofit work and Bell Asteri.

My children are adults. They are not married yet. When they have made big decisions, they have turned to their dad and me for wise counsel. Because I know what it's like to have opinionated people not support me, I have learned to pray with and for my kids. When they tell me they have a call on their lives, I especially pray with and for them. And I am sure to tell them that I am well pleased in them for seeking God and following His call. If it means some day being a missionary in a scary place, so be it. Don't worry about your safety if God tells you to do something. Obey Him.

Daniel obeyed. He flat out knew that if he prayed in front of that open window he would be thrown into the lion's den. But he did it anyway. God chose to shut up the lions' mouths and keep him safe. 

DO THE RIGHT THING. NO MATTER WHAT.

Justice For Tamar (long version)

 

This story is based on a young princess who was raped. It serves as an example and reminder of the real life stories about boys and girls and even some grown women and men who are victims of sexual abuse and sexual assault and who have, just like the princess, not been granted justice.

Read PDF here.

Twenty Years

When I think about where I was and what I was doing 20 years ago, it doesn't feel like it's me at all. On this day, 20 years ago, I was feeling grateful that my husband had just had a cortisone shot and wasn't in as much pain as he had been for the past two weeks. I was worried that he might have torn his rotator cuff and would have to take some time off of training for surgery and recovery.

Boy, would a torn rotator cuff been good news. Little did I know, but our family was facing a monster of an enemy. Bill's body was eaten up with cancer. It was in his blood. It was in his bones. It was in his bone marrow. It was just about everywhere. He was dying and we had no idea.

In 2003, rituximab had just been approved by the FDA to use in combination with CHOP chemotherapy. The hope was that combining it with aggressive chemo would save him. But we knew most definitely that without it, there was a 98% chance that Bill would die of his lymphoma within five years. Those were some pretty bad odds.

Today, as I write this, my heart is filled with thoughts of war. I am profoundly sad about the people in the Middle East. I pray constantly that they will all know Jesus before it's too late. War is really awful. And it is very unfair too. I keep hearing people on the news talking about how children are being slaughtered. And really it reminds me so much of cancer. Cancer is like a terrorist. Cancer doesn't care if you're a small child. It attacks over 400,000 children every year. And millions of adults too.

Cancer lost its attack on Bill and our family. A lot has happened in the last 20 years. We feel like we are totally different people now. But we both know that cancer shaped us into the people we became. I hate cancer, but I am still very grateful that God allowed us to experience it so that we could do the things He called us to do.

Cheers to 20 years of beating our enemy. Cheers to 20 more. I hope.

 

Bones

 

Bones are fascinating. I honestly never paid a lot of attention to them. After all, they are hidden inside. I take them for granted because I have good bones that have carried me around for 53 years. I did lose a coworker to bone cancer decades ago. She was a beautiful young woman who worked as the librarian at the middle school where I taught and she loved God and her family and all of those kids at that school so much. It was profoundly sad to see what cancer did to her, but when I think about her, I choose to think of her walking along golden streets with Jesus.

In March, I broke my leg. The fibula was split in two spots, but since the ankle was only sprained and not broken with the fibula, I did not have surgery. Instead, I was fitted for a big boot that had a pump on it to hold things in place. It took six months for my bone to heal and this taught me more about bones than I had ever truly thought about.

So, yes, I took Biology in both high school and college, but just the basics, so I know what most people do about our bones. But until mine broke, I never really thought about how significant bones are both physically and spiritually. To make it all even more profound, while I was hobbling around on my broken leg in that boot, I was proofreading a book I was about to publish written by a teen girl with osteosarcoma. Alea has had her tibia replaced with titanium as well as several ribs. She was diagnosed with this awful cancer of the bones as a 13-year-old. Today, she is 18 and has relapsed over and over again as she fights her ninth battle against this monster. I certainly wasn't about to be complaining about a little broken bone while reading this.

PHYSICAL TRUTH ABOUT BONES

Bones are stronger than steel. One cubic inch of bone can withstand the weight of five standard pickup trucks. Have you ever wondered why people can do karate chops on wood and break them without breaking their hands? Bones.

So if they are so strong, how do they break? Bones are also light and flexible, so the physics behind the speed and angle of our falls can cause them to break. But just like Superman, our bones are stronger than steel and there's a reason for this... bones protect our insides!

Our skull protects one of the most important organs in our body- our brain! The spinal cord, a pathway for messages between the brain and the body, is protected by the backbone, or spinal column. The ribs form a cage that protects the heart and lungs, and the pelvis helps protect the bladder, part of the intestines, and in women, the reproductive organs.

Bones are made up of two types of tissue:

Compact bone is the solid, hard outside part of the bone. It looks like ivory and is very strong. Holes and channels run through it, carrying blood vessels and nerves.

Cancellous bone looks like a sponge and is found inside compact bone. It is made up of a network of tiny pieces of bone called trabeculae. This is where bone marrow is found. This soft bone is where most of the blood cells are made. The bone marrow contains stem cells which produce the body's red blood cells and platelets, and some types of white blood cells. Red blood cells deliver oxygen to the body's tissues, and platelets help with blood clotting when someone has a cut or wound. White blood cells help the body fight infection.

Bones are fastened to other bones by ligaments. Cartilage, a flexible substance in our joints, supports bones and protects them where they rub against each other.

Adults have 206 bones.

Babies have 300 bones, but no worries... they don't lose those bones. Instead, their tiny bones fuse together to form the larger bones in the skeletal system.

More than half of our bones are in our hands and feet.

Bones are LIVING TISSUE. The collagen in bones constantly replenishes itself, and it’s a lifelong activity. Every year about 10 percent of bone is replaced. As the mineral content in bones is renewed, we get a new skeleton about every 10 years.

SPIRITUAL TRUTH ABOUT BONES

The Bible talks a lot about bones. Out of the all of the books of the Bible, 29 of them mention bones.

Genesis, the very first book of the Bible, begins with creation. Already, we see a bone removed from Adam and being used to create Eve. "Bone of my bones" - created from something as strong as steel from a bone that protected his heart, I find it fascinating that this was the way God chose to create woman.

We see several stories of the children of Israel carrying the bones of someone who died with them when they leave. Joseph even commanded them to take his bones when they would many centuries later head off to the promised land. David also took the bones of Jonathan and Saul from where they were killed back to Israel. 

I'm not sure how many times bones are mentioned in the Psalms and Proverbs and even in Job. The prophets of old would say they could feel their ministry and passion deep inside their bones like fire. Ezekiel was in a valley of dried up bones and spoke LIFE into them.

I have always been so fascinated by blood because life is in the blood, but now I also think bones are fascinating because the life of the blood is in the bone. Strength is in our bone and just like our bones connected man and woman in the beginning, they also connect us to God. Like we are bone of His bone.

When my bone was broken, everything changed for me. I could not run and swim and lift weights. I could not even walk. It took my strength from me. I began to fade into weakness quickly and realized how significant bones were in the physical realm. That is when I began to cry for my Father in Heaven to breathe life into the dry bones in my life.

He has yet to answer this prayer. I only have a small amount of hope left. My physical bone is healed. My spiritual bones are dried up and just about dead. I am barely making it. No one knows this. They see me rising above the ashes and fighting for causes I believe in, but deep inside, I am lost and dying. I do not see justice. I see loss. I get up every day and pray. I dig through Scriptures to find answers, to find God. With hardly any strength left in me, I plead with Him to restore. I walk through the valley of the shadow of death surrounded by dried up bones. I have enough faith (perhaps just a bit less than a mustard seed) left, so with that tiny amount, I cry "restore my soul" and "breathe life into these dried bones".

Not one of Jesus' bones was broken in His horrible death. Jesus will come back for me. Today, I hope He will reach down and breathe a bit of restorative life into my bones.

Justice For Tamar

 

Before I write this long post, I think it is very important to say that I love King David in the Bible. He was a strong and mighty king who God anointed. He ruled with wisdom and courage and strength and he honored the Lord. He wrote so many beautiful psalms that bring me comfort every day.

David trusted God and gave Him his heart from his youth. He defeated Goliath and many of the enemies of God's people. He had to flee from King Saul and then when he had the chance more than once to kill Saul, he refused to touch the anointed king. He trusted God to bring justice.

I could go on and on about what a good man David was and how amazing it is to know that I will actually meet him in Heaven some day. One of the things I love that David said over and over was that he wanted the Lord to remember him for his righteousness. I love that so much because it's one of my prayers too. As humans, we are born with a sin nature. We mess up and sometimes we mess up so bad that we recognize that we deserve to head straight to Hell. But God's grace is an amazing thing and we can turn to Him and ask Him to remember the good we have done and bless us according to our righteousness while asking Him to forgive our sins and wipe us clean.

David will be remembered in eternity for his righteousness. But the Bible also allows us to see David's mess ups. And it's a good thing for us to see because we also get to see that God loves us all even when we mess up super bad. David had an affair with a married woman and got her pregnant and then had her husband killed. Um, that's pretty darn bad. And guess what... it displeased the Lord. In fact, one of the consequences of his big sin was that his baby died at only seven days of age. What a horrible thing for any parent to endure. Another consequence was that for the remainder of his days, David would know war. His life was not easy.

I am so grateful to God for forgiveness. We all need it. We don't earn it. We are given it by grace. So, I am not mad at God for what sometimes seems like a lack of justice. I don't always understand it, but I trust God and fully believe that the day is coming when our real enemy will go down forever and we will be remembered for our righteousness.

What gets to me the most about David and the things he did wrong really is something he didn't do at all. He seemingly failed his own daughter by not coming to her defense when she was violated. This has troubled me all my life. Tamar was a real princess, the daughter of the king of Israel. Yet when she was violently raped by her own brother, David's son, nothing happened to him. He was not punished by David. But Tamar was left to live like trash, all alone and childless for the remainder of her life. She was raped and trashed and never got justice. It angers me. It profoundly hurts me and sometimes I wonder about her and how she was able to breathe.

I know that God's eyes see all of the good and bad here on Earth. He saw what happened to Tamar and I know without an ounce of doubt that God didn't see her as trash. But He did see that she was thrown out like trash to live alone and rejected and hurt for the rest of her sad life. I believe that Tamar is with the Lord. I believe that she and I will be friends in eternity. I believe that she has no memory of the horrible rape or lonely life she was forced to live on this planet.

There were many times when I got mad at David. Of course, we only know what we read in the Bible. Maybe David loved her enough to visit her. But I do know that he did not punish his rapist son. I do not claim to understand what it would be like to have a son do that. I know that us parents love our kids unconditionally, but we also need to see when they do something evil and handle it. I can't help but think of this recent show I saw about a family called the Duggars. It was a documentary about them called "Shiny Happy People". Their daughters were molested by their son and they did nothing! Later, their son was arrested for child pornography! Thankfully, he is in prison now. And guess what! These disgusting parents have rejected their daughter Jill for telling the truth and according to her, they love her "pedophile brother" more than her.

Tamar never got her justice in this life. Her other brother ended up killing her rapist brother two years after the assault. Then he tried to kill David. In fact, David ended up having to flee for his life again, just like he had to do with King Saul. I think that was one of the consequences of not handling the rape. He had a lot of war and very little peace.

But, back to Tamar. She remains one of those sad characters from the Bible whose story hurts me to my core. I have literally cried for her. I have screamed out in pain "JUSTICE FOR TAMAR" so many times. I think about some people I love who are just like Tamar. Alone. Total lack of justice while the rapist has gotten away with his evil deed. I have begged God to help me understand. But I don't. 

I think women were treated badly. Women were treated like they were not as important as men. But I know that is not how God sees us. How do I know? Because I know God. Also because of Jesus. Jesus is God and He came to Earth as a Man to save us all. While He was here, He showed us all how God feels about women and children. He was friends with women and He loved hanging out with kids. God loved men too. He loved men who were poor and he loved men who were rich. He loved Jews and He loved Gentiles. He loved everyone in the world so much that He became the sacrificial Lamb and died for us all. Now, whoever of us chooses to believe in Him will never die. We will live forever with Him, completely free of sin forever and ever.

Jesus really is the only answer to the pain I feel for Tamar. He is the only answer to the pain I feel for the others who have to live like Tamar did. He loved Tamar. I have to believe that even in her pain, He was with her. He loved on her. It grieved Him to see what happened to the beautiful princess. So, maybe Tamar (and so many others) don't get the justice they deserve here, but God loves the broken hearted. He died for us all and I await His return.

See you soon, Tamar.

The Power of Forgiveness

 

"I would make him pay." These words have been spoken to me more than once and in more than one situation. And trust me, I get it. And trust me, I sometimes want to make somebody pay when they have wronged me or someone I love.

But, I bought a sweatshirt that says "I'm going to let God fix it because if I fix it, I'm going to jail". And I remind myself of that truth over and over so that I don't rush out and take vengeance.

Today, I am writing down the things I've learned about forgiveness so that when I need a fresh reminder, all I have to do is look back here. The biggest lesson I have learned is that forgiveness is not about the person who hurt me. It is about me. It is removing the chains that bind me to the pain and trauma and horror of what was inflicted upon me when I did not deserve any of it. And, boy does that give me a tiny glimpse of God and another way to feel a small amount of what Jesus did for me and all of us when He took on a horrendous punishment for something He didn't do. He took on pain and trauma and the horror of being totally cut off from the Father. That was forgiveness.

So, if somebody hurts me, what right do I have to hold on to the damage? Jesus let go of every bad thing I ever would do by suffering and dying. Therefore, I can follow His lead and do the same. And here is the best part... although forgiveness does not fix the sin of the other person and make their heart right with God (that is on them to sort out with Him), it does lift a huge, painful weight off of me! Forgiveness is freedom!

Let it go.

It's not just that we don't "make them pay". It is truly letting it go.

Let it go.

Let go of the pain.

Let go of the anger.

Let go of the anxiety.

Let go of the sorrow.

Let go of the self pity.

Let go of the shame.

Let go of the loss.

Let go of the memory as best as you can.

Let go of the constant thoughts about it.

Let it go.

I can't carry that heavy load, so I...

LET IT GO.

Forgive- I will not get back the money they stole or the time they stole or anything. When I let it all go, I set myself free of the damage inflicted upon me by holding on to something. My forgiveness does not justify the wrong done to me and it does not resolve the sin for that person. They have to get that stuff settled between them and God. Honestly, I wouldn't want to be in their shoes, having something so heavy and evil between me and God. Forgiveness isn't the same as saying "what you did is ok". What that person did is evil. Forgiveness removes those wretched chains from me and sets me free to live with joy and peace and comfort. What an amazing gift from an amazing Father.

Well, I believe everything I wrote, but I wrote it here so that I can remember it again in case I get busy remembering the bad stuff done to me. And by the way, this was all about forgiving, not forgetting because I have a brain and a memory so I can't forget stuff. That's why I said let go of the memory as best as you can. When I remember the bad stuff, I can choose to remember to let it go too.

Let it go.

Somebody's Missing

 

Today is Sunday, September 3, 2023. As I sip another cup of coffee, I can hear my husband and daughter upstairs watching Formula One. Morgan is spending a few days with us for this long Labor Day weekend. We have done a lot of fun stuff together starting Wednesday night when she and I attended the Jonas Brothers concert. We will wrap up the long weekend tomorrow at Globe Life Field to see the Rangers and Astros play baseball.

It has been a pleasant few days minus the worry we had yesterday when Walker County went up in flames and we thought my parents would have to evacuate. Although there are still more than 4000 acres ablaze, the fire is 40% contained and all evacuation orders have been lifted. So, yay for that good news.

Meanwhile, I'm a bit low. Dylan has been gone for over three weeks, but it feels like months. I have not heard his voice or even received a letter in the mail. This is very likely not his fault because we have been having problems with our mail lately and all I can do is hope that they finally get all our mail to us.

I have heard that several of the officer candidates have been given an email or will be getting to place a 10 minute phone call soon. The only reason I know they finished indoc phase is because some of the candidates were given permission to make a 60 second phone call if they had family in Florida so they could check in after the hurricane.

I know Dylan is safely in Rhode Island. I know he is still in his class and hasn't been rolled or else I would have received a phone call. My mom heart is aching right now though. I just want a quick email or phone call even if only 60 seconds so I can know he's ok. I want to get just a word from him. So many people outside of this OCS world think it's just like a semester at college. Wrong. In college, your kids can call you or text you. You can find out how they are doing. You can send care packages. Heck, if they aren't too far away, you can even go visit.

This is so hard for me. I'm thankful for the Facebook groups where I can communicate with other parents and spouses of the candidates. It makes me not feel as alone. We have heard some interesting stories from this class. On day one, some candidates got rolled and some dropped. Every step of the way is hard because these men and women don't just have to be strong physically and mentally/emotionally, but they also have to be highly academic. They have to get up at 4 in the morning and they don't go to bed til very late. They have to be constantly screamed while remaining focused and under control. 

I have faith in God and in Dylan. But this mom heart, oh my mom heart. Please Lord, let me hear my son's voice if only for a brief moment. I am enjoying the weekend, but my baby is missing.