Twelve years ago this month, everything changed. We went from being young, strong and healthy to a cancer family. Once that happens, you're a cancer family for the rest of your life.
A year ago, Bill had his annual visit with his oncologist at MD Anderson Cancer Center. This was the very first time since the cancer journey began that I felt zero anxiety. In fact, I only accompanied him on this visit because I was in the area and had the time to go. It would be nice to say hi to everyone in the Lymphoma Department.
We sat there smiling and laughing and waiting to see our friend Rick (Dr. Fredrick Hagemeister, Bill's oncologist, has become a friend so it just didn't feel like a trip to the cancer doctor). When Rick walked in, though, he was all business. He didn't come in smiling and hugging us. He was disturbed and started talking about a very high cancer marker.
Instead of "you're doing great so we'll see you again in a year" we got the "you need more tests" thing we never wanted to hear again. And those tests were intense! One of the darkest moments came a few days later when another oncologist told us that there was a big tumor (then let us see it on the screen) and there were several "hot spots" which needed to be biopsied. Bill just really wanted to know if there was a chance this was all benign. The doctor very matter of factly just said, "of course it's cancer unless we can prove otherwise" and then showed us all the spots that were likely proof of cancer.
Our greatest fear was that it was a recurrence of lymphoma that had spread, but after an ultra sound, we were greatly relieved to hear this wasn't the case. In fact, of the 14 hot spots biopsied, 13 of them were benign! This was amazing news! The only bad part was the one spot combined with the still very high cancer marker. This put Bill in a "watch and wait" protocol, meaning we monitor this issue every couple of months to see if it gets worse and hold off on doing any treatments til it becomes a big deal (if it ever does).
During one of the visits, some more concern was raised when large lumps popped up on Bill's chest. More scans and more confusion because these are hard to figure out and are also being watched. The tissue is not normal and the blood work continues to be very strange.
So, for a year we've not been sure at all. This week he returns for more tests. Two months ago, the blood work was still not good but one of those cancer markers was down! So, I don't know if I should feel anxious or not, but I guess I don't feel either positive or negative. I would really like to put all this behind us. I'm so done with cancer.
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