Jesus Loves Me

In February of last year, right at the beginning of a very traumatic experience that has left me in constant pain, I felt like the Lord told me to take a day off from asking Him for anything or praying for anyone at all. I believed He told me to just spend an entire day loving Him. In my prayers, I only thanked Him and loved Him without bringing any of my pain or concerns to Him about myself or anyone else. I wrote a blog post about that (you can read it here). On that day, I felt incredible peace and I believed that this was God's way of helping me enter into a tough battle, strengthening me for what might be a very challenging time.

But as time went on, and the battles were many and very painful, I kept wondering where God was. Why did He make me spend an entire day loving on Him, while He hasn't loved on me? It's been well over a year and instead of reaching down to me and making me feel His love, He has allowed me to be destroyed! He has allowed me to go down into a dark pit where I've been beaten and mocked. Why would God be so cruel? Why would He tell me to love on Him without even once during any of this allow me to feel even a tiny glimpse of His love for me?

I never complained about any of this, but I did wonder. But today on my walk with my dog, I got my answer. Jesus is with me wherever I go. He doesn't want my heart only in the good times, but in the bad too. He wants me to believe in His presence whether I feel it or not. So, He's been silent, but He's been with me. And He has loved me more than I will ever understand. He has not been up there watching me suffer with a smile on His face. He's been holding me in His arms while I cry. He's been wiping my tears and feeling compassion for me through it all. And He taught me way back in February of last year to love Him so that I could remember that feeling of peace when I was in the dark pit. You see, the greatest lesson I learned that day I just loved on the Lord was that I feel PEACE when I concentrate on loving Him. No matter where I am or what is happening, when I put my focus and energy on loving God, my pain decreases. I'm still in the pit, but I feel peace!

He reminded me of that peace on my morning walk. He reminded me that He didn't ask me to love on Him that day for Him, but for me. It was so that I could look to Jesus Christ in my most desperate moments and find peace. He will handle all the bad stuff for me. He will fight for me. He will ultimately destroy those tormenters of my soul. I just need to look to Him and find peace. God doesn't need my love. I am the one who needs His. And because He loves me, I love Him. He desires my love and wants it to come from my heart, not lip service because I need something from Him. Well, He has my heart and always will. I love Jesus because Jesus loves me.