Somebody's Missing

 

Today is Sunday, September 3, 2023. As I sip another cup of coffee, I can hear my husband and daughter upstairs watching Formula One. Morgan is spending a few days with us for this long Labor Day weekend. We have done a lot of fun stuff together starting Wednesday night when she and I attended the Jonas Brothers concert. We will wrap up the long weekend tomorrow at Globe Life Field to see the Rangers and Astros play baseball.

It has been a pleasant few days minus the worry we had yesterday when Walker County went up in flames and we thought my parents would have to evacuate. Although there are still more than 4000 acres ablaze, the fire is 40% contained and all evacuation orders have been lifted. So, yay for that good news.

Meanwhile, I'm a bit low. Dylan has been gone for over three weeks, but it feels like months. I have not heard his voice or even received a letter in the mail. This is very likely not his fault because we have been having problems with our mail lately and all I can do is hope that they finally get all our mail to us.

I have heard that several of the officer candidates have been given an email or will be getting to place a 10 minute phone call soon. The only reason I know they finished indoc phase is because some of the candidates were given permission to make a 60 second phone call if they had family in Florida so they could check in after the hurricane.

I know Dylan is safely in Rhode Island. I know he is still in his class and hasn't been rolled or else I would have received a phone call. My mom heart is aching right now though. I just want a quick email or phone call even if only 60 seconds so I can know he's ok. I want to get just a word from him. So many people outside of this OCS world think it's just like a semester at college. Wrong. In college, your kids can call you or text you. You can find out how they are doing. You can send care packages. Heck, if they aren't too far away, you can even go visit.

This is so hard for me. I'm thankful for the Facebook groups where I can communicate with other parents and spouses of the candidates. It makes me not feel as alone. We have heard some interesting stories from this class. On day one, some candidates got rolled and some dropped. Every step of the way is hard because these men and women don't just have to be strong physically and mentally/emotionally, but they also have to be highly academic. They have to get up at 4 in the morning and they don't go to bed til very late. They have to be constantly screamed while remaining focused and under control. 

I have faith in God and in Dylan. But this mom heart, oh my mom heart. Please Lord, let me hear my son's voice if only for a brief moment. I am enjoying the weekend, but my baby is missing.

Through the Window, I See

 

I did not write this. I saw this on social media a few years ago and today, I was reminded of it. In my five decades on Earth, these past couple of years have been the absolute worst as far as human character. People are very quick to judge and people are very easily "offended". Surely, the end is near because I don't see how we can go on much longer.

Here is the story...

A young couple moved into a new neighborhood.

The next morning while they were eating breakfast, the young woman saw her neighbor hanging the washing outside.

"That laundry is not very clean; she doesn’t know how to wash correctly. Perhaps she needs better laundry soap."

Her husband looked on, remaining silent.

Every time her neighbor hung her washing out to dry, the young woman made the same comments.

A month later, the woman was surprised to see a nice clean wash on the line and said to her husband, "Look, she’s finally learned how to wash correctly. I wonder who taught her this?"

The husband replied, "I got up early this morning and cleaned our windows."

And so it is with life… What we see when watching others depends on the clarity of the window through which we look.

So don’t be too quick to judge others, especially if your perspective of life is clouded by anger, jealousy, negativity or unfulfilled desires.

Judging a person does not define who they are. It defines who you are. 

Gleaning Like Ruth

 

This week I have been pondering the story of Ruth. Mostly I have been praying for my daughter and believing Ruth 2:12 for her and asking that Our Father in Heaven would reward her for turning to him and being forced into a new life, a new beginning that she did not plan on.

But I have also been digging into the idea of gleaning in the field. For several years, I have felt in my spirit that God was going to bless me with a wide open space. Sometimes in the various psalms, I have read it as a broad place. When I have felt entrapped and closed into a dark pit, I remember this wide open place and long for it.

This week, I envisioned it again as a field, a big open field I have been brought to so that I can glean all day long until the evening just like Ruth. What am I gleaning? God's word. I am pouring into the Bible and writing notes and seeking the Lord. Charles Spurgeon phrased it this way: To glean in this field is to read the word, to pray, to meditate. He even says that we should be careful not to drop what we have just gleaned and strive to RETAIN as much as we strive to OBTAIN. I think this is where my notes will help me. I can go back and read them again, these lovely lessons and stories and words from My Heavenly Father.

And then what? What will I choose to do with all of what I have gleaned? Where do I go from here? What plans are there for me or my family? I don't want to just gather for nothing. I want to do something with all of this which I am gleaning.

Today I was reminded that God gives grace to the humble. It takes humility to go and glean in the field. It requires stooping down like Ruth and working diligently to seek God's word. I have seen some folks in these past couple of months who have chosen to walk in great spiritual pride and the result is that they, in their superior attitude, choose to condemn and judge instead of love. I do not want to do this. I want to stoop down and work hard to seek my Lord. I want to give up on any idea that I am special and just let Him be glorified. I am fine to do the work. My struggle has always been to think like Solomon and wonder if it's all a great exercise in futility. Vanity of vanities!

But today I must remember that just like Ruth worked hard, stooping in that wide open field, I can do so also. I can glean from the promises of God in that wide open space and then I can go and feast upon them so that I gain strength and with that strength, I can go back out in the morning and glean again.

May I stay hungry. May I stay diligent. May I glorify my Father in Heaven by humbly seeking Him every single day of the rest of my life.

Experience Required

 

It doesn't matter where you live on this planet or how you were raised or how much money you have. Troubles are everywhere and no human can escape them. I have never been a fan of comparing our troubles. When my husband was very sick and going through chemo, I will never forget finding out that one of my friends was dealing with her husband's job loss and she had hidden this from me. I asked her why she didn't tell me and she said, "I felt embarrassed because what you are going through is so much worse".

This made me so very sad. I grabbed her and hugged her and said, "Chica, no need to compare because what your family is enduring is so stressful and hard and I'm here for you just like you've been here for me." She and I agreed in that moment that we would pray for each other. We didn't know how things would be resolved, but ultimately, my husband got better and her husband got an even higher level position. 

Over the years, I have seen troubles that are even worse than stage four cancer. I have suffered through some circumstances that have nearly killed me.  I am currently in a whirlwind of troubles that have me physically almost unable to get out of bed. Yet, God gives me the strength I need in the moment I need it to get up and to do what I must do. He is a faithful God who truly never leaves us or forsakes us. He is true to His word and He keeps all His promises.

It does not always feel that way. Sometimes it feels like Our Father in Heaven is cruel and unloving. It feels like He has left the building and we are on our own being fed to the wolves. Our eyes just can't see what His can see. We might not like this truth, but the way we grow and learn is through the piles of troubles and experiences that are not necessarily pleasant.

And one of the hardest truths is that we can't truly learn from other people's experiences. We have to learn from our own. Oh, we can be blessed by the wisdom of others when they share their lessons learned from experience. We can take notes and apply some of their lessons to our own lives, especially if we are experiencing something similar to what they endured. I have personally shared many great tips and advice to young caregivers of cancer patients over the years and they certainly appreciate my wisdom, but they still have to get through the wretched illness on their own and learn their own lessons along the way.

Today I am in deep distress because of several experiences I am being forced to endure at once. It is really tough, but I am choosing to remember that at the end of all of this, I will have learned a really great lesson and it will be worth the pain. Just when you think you have learned all the lessons you have to learn, you are reminded that until you take your final breath, you have much to learn. How exhausting! But also, thank you Lord for always being with us through the tough times even if we cannot feel Your presence.

Off I go to learn. Pray for me to stay strong.

Hope

 

Broken. Her heart was crushed to powder and I can't do anything about it. I have seen her endure things no one should ever have to endure. So, when she moved during a pandemic and was able to make lots of friends and even begin dating someone she ultimately fell in love with, I was so impressed by her.

My daughter suffered a horrible tragedy when she was a teenager. It took a long time for her to rise, but she did. Her scars are big, but God's love is bigger. He never left her and He never forsook her. He always keeps His promises.

When she was falling in love, I could see it in her. It was hard for her to trust, but she gave in to love and let this man penetrate her heart and soul. She even told him about the trauma that happened in high school and he told her how sorry he was that she had to experience that. And he promised her to be her man forever.

He asked her dad and me for her hand. Her dad gave his blessing as long as he would promise to love God more than anyone else followed by our daughter. He promised. We all believed him.

What we did not know was that a month ago, he did something he should never have done. It caused a whirlwind of damage for my daughter and for her circle of friends. They all turned against Morgan because they don't know what really happened. Morgan chose forgiveness and love. We kept planning a wedding.

Then, three weeks before their day, he caved. He could no longer handle the pressure of what his family was doing. I am being very careful because I won't expose them for what they really are, but I will say that his dad should have given him counsel to get real help. Instead, he advised him to cover up what he did and never tell anyone. He harmed my daughter and no one knows the truth. All of the participants in this ambush are getting away with it and delighting in the damage they caused.

Her heart is so broken and to make it all worse, a couple of months ago, she discovered an enlarged lymph node on her neck and it has not decreased in size with antibiotics. So, on July 8 she gets to head to a cancer center to do more tests to determine if it's malignant.

Blindsided and dumped only three weeks til her wedding to the man she loves and a cancer scare. All of this on a 24-year-old who has already experienced a trauma so severe it nearly killed her. I am more than just angry. I want to expose them all and I want them all to hurt, but as a Christian, I am told to forgive. Therefore, I will walk in forgiveness. That family should be paying me at least part of the costs of the wedding they sabotaged. They should be writing me a check for $40,000 and telling Morgan they are sorry for what they did. They know what they did, but they are lying. I know what they did too and unbeknownst to them, I have evidence. I also am armed with the truth about their son.

We never saw justice for what happened to her as a teenager. People with deep pockets and important connections made sure that didn't happen. We likely will see no justice for this one either. It is completely unfair and our daughter and entire family has been assaulted.

Hope. I don't see any hope, but on June 25, Morgan adopted a sweet puppy and named her Hope. We all love her already. May HOPE bring healing.

Look Up

 

This week has been an intense reminder that this world is dark and evil and coming to a brutal end soon. Sunday, a beautiful young woman I loved died. Jaimee had a big impact on my life. Often you hear people say that someone is beautiful on the inside and outside and it's a cute thing to say, but in her case, this is absolutely the truth. Physically, she was gorgeous with long blonde hair and a perfectly sculpted body. Spiritually, she loved Jesus more than anything else and she lived a honeymoon marriage to her husband and she loved her son Oliver beyond words.

I have been devastated about her loss. When she was 18 and I was 22 we met and I loved her like she was a little sister. When we knew we were about to part ways for a long time (she would be traveling around the world and I would be staying in Mexico), we decided to pretend give each other our pinky fingers so we would be forced to mail them back to each other and stay in touch. It was just a silly joke that no one else would understand and we didn't care. We understood and had a strong bond of love and respect for each other.

Jaimee went on to do amazing things in her life. She became a champion ballroom dancer and an actress, starring in two movies. She got married and truly adored her husband, always doting on him like they had just met and still had those puppy love feelings for each other. She struggled to have a baby for many years and when she finally was able to get pregnant and give birth to her son Oliver, she was over the moon in love with him. Her sudden death Sunday stings to my core. I know she is dancing with Jesus now, but I just feel like the lights went out in Nashville where she lived. 

August has been filled with loss. We lost our friend Brad just weeks ago. Friends, family and acquaintances are getting very sick with COVID again. Afghanistan has been a horrible mess with soldiers and citizens being wiped out in bombings. Hurricane Ida will make landfall tomorrow evening in Louisiana and is expected to mark the anniversary of Katrina by being as deadly. Wildfires once again consume our lands in California and Minnesota and beyond.

It would be so easy to cower under the pressure and pain and crawl into a ball in my closet and just cry in the darkness. Actually I did that earlier this week. But that was just my grief and need to let out the sorrow a bit. Today, although I am exhausted and would like to just quit, I will do what I was instructed to do in these days. I will look up. 

And to copy the final words of the Holy Bible: "The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you all. Amen."

War Wounds

Wilson Joseph Pruiett
September 3, 1925-September 28, 2005

This week, I've had two very vivid dreams about my grandaddy, Wilson Joseph Pruiett. Grandaddy was a World War II hero. He joined the Navy and served on the Wasp from November-December 1943. Then he was transferred to the USS Santee. He was in the invasions of Palau, New Guinea, Morotai, Guam and the Philippines.

On October 25, 1944, during the Battle of the Leyte Gulf, the Japanese deployed kamikaze (“divine wind”) suicide bombers against American warships for the first time. Grandaddy was struck when the plane hit the hangar deck.

A piece of shrapnel (pictured below) took out his right eye and eyelid and cut through his nose. He also got a slug in his chest, three slugs below his left knee, and one pound piece of shrapnel in his right leg.

He was in many hospitals and endured many surgeries. His cast went from his toes to his armpits. On May 26, 1946, he received honorable discharge from the Navy. He received many medals and ribbons including the purple heart.

This morning, thanks to these dreams I've had, I've been thinking about how brave Grandaddy was. Also, it occurred to me that he never complained. He never felt self-pity. And my husband Bill and I were talking just two days ago about the fact that Grandaddy always made us laugh. He was so funny and had no filter at all. And he didn't give a crap what anyone thought because he was who he was.

The greatest thing about him was his love for God and his family. That love endures long past his death. It runs profoundly through us all. He didn't need his eye to be able to see God's truth. That was something he lived each day.

In my own life in recent years, I've often felt like I've been at war. Our family has been struck by extremely difficult life circumstances that have left us feeling deeply wounded. My "kamikaze" has left me feeling like I have a mental/emotional limp and missing eye, but I would like to be like Grandaddy. I'd like to get up and move forward and live a victorious and abundant life anyway.

Thank you, Grandaddy, for your example of strength in the midst of pain. Thank you for your faithfulness and genuine spirit. I look forward to seeing you in our Heavenly Home again where you are surely running along the streets of gold with two beautiful eyes and a heart filled with peace, love, and joy. XOXOXOXO

The shrapnel from the kamikaze
that struck my grandaddy