When a blessing feels like a curse...

I asked God for bread and He gave me a stone. I'm not the only person to ever feel that way. Last year was the most challenging year of my life.

Until this year. After 2015 (a year filled with agony), I thought for sure that my Father in Heaven was going to give my family a time to heal and recover and be built up. I was on my knees asking Him to give us this much needed time to heal up and even get to see "beauty for ashes". In January I read Ecclesiastes famous chapter three and believed that just as there is a "time to destroy" that there is also a "time to build up". And 2016 was going to be that time to build!

Was I ever wrong! It felt like I had gone to my Father and asked for bread to feed my hungry soul and He looked at me with cruelty and handed me a big, ugly stone. I have shed more tears this year than all the previous years of my life combined. That is no exaggeration. Every day I break down in tears. And at night I have drenched my pillow in the heaviest of tears. It's not self pity. It's pain. No one knows the depths of my sorrow better than my Father. He sees every tear and hears it when I cry out from the pit. I have been surrounded by darkness and have begged for some light.

Today I read two verses in my Bible. Just two. One was the final verse of the third chapter of Matthew and the other was the first verse of the fourth chapter of Matthew. These two verses seem to contradict and putting them right there next to each other makes that stand out even more. In the final verse of chapter three, God says about Jesus, "this is My Beloved Son in Whom I am well pleased". Immediately there's the first verse of the next chapter in which Jesus is sent into the wilderness to be tempted by Satan.

How can a Good Father Who is so pleased with His Son send Him off to the wilderness to be tempted? Yet, this section of scripture has opened our eyes not only to the ways of the evil one, showing us what a liar he is, but it also gives us an example of the power that comes through Jesus. He knows exactly what it's like to be tormented by the devil and He knows exactly how to deal with him.

For months we wondered why we had to deal with incredible horror in our lives when we were living right. We were doing what God wanted and behaving ourselves appropriately. So, why did suddenly everything we love get taken? Why did we get thrown out into the wilderness for Satan to have his way with us?

Because we've been blessed. That's why. We are experiencing the joy of being beaten and abused and lied to and stolen from. Our Father has been pleased with us (and sometimes not so pleased because we are not quite as good as Jesus), but He has also loved us enough to send us into the wilderness to be tempted by Satan. We are blessed because we get to suffer and experience a tiny bit of Jesus' suffering.

Our Lord wants our heart. Our whole heart, not just lip service. He doesn't want us just to love Him because He's made life easy. He wants us to love Him even when it's dark. Even when it's painful. Even if it means being tortured to death. I do not know what plans He has. I just know that whether I'm in the wilderness being tormented by that Serpent the devil or I'm in a safe, peaceful place, I will love Jesus. I will honor Him and praise Him and thank Him forever.

Thank you God for the BLESSING of pain.

My Favorite Things - Yerba Mate

In college I was first introduced to this South American "tea". When I spent a season in Argentina, it was winter there and Yerba Mate was a warm, comforting way to start the day or spend a cozy afternoon in the mountains with friends.

So, what is mate (pronounced ma-tay)? Mate is similar to an herb tea but it's not really tea. It grows on a bush. It was first brewed by the Guaranies Indians as a pick me up when they were hungry. Research into the components of mate is controversial with South Americans claiming it does not contain caffeine, but what the folks in Argentina call "matine" instead. Some scientists claim that this is just another way to say caffeine or another type of caffeine different than that found in coffee.

How do you drink it? A gourd (some of these are incredibly beautiful) is packed with dried green leaves. My American friends always tell me these leaves resemble marijuana. Once the gourd is packed, a pretty silver "straw" called a bombilla is placed inside.

A thermos or pitcher of boiling water is then passed around among the friends. Germaphobes beware... you SHARE mate. Everyone drinks from the same bombilla and gourd. You pour in your water, sip your mate, then pass it to the next person who pours in water, sips, then passes on.

Traditionally, mate is consumed without sugar or any other additives, but you can definitely add sugar. I have even added peppermint and other flavorings like zest of orange or lemon, but most of the time, I just drink it as is. In America, you can buy it now in tea bags and I have done this, but it just doesn't feel right and this may be psychological, but it doesn't seem to have the same energy boost from a tea bag.

There are many great benefits to drinking yerba mate. From increased energy to sharper mental focus, yerba mate is a very healthy drink. Check out this site for more on health benefits: Be Brain Fit. It is important to note... some registered dietitians have suggested that mate is filled with antioxidants and vitamins B1, B2 and C, and iron, calcium, magnesium and potassium and that it is good for digestion. However, over consumption (drinking more than 4 cups per day) can cause harm, including increased risk of head and neck cancers. Remember, moderation is essential for everything you consume!

Where can you buy Yerba Mate? If you want to order a gourd, bombilla and leaves online, there are many sites. Here is one I like: Go Yerba Mate. In the Houston area, you can buy it at Fiesta groceries and Whole Foods.

The Pope enjoying Yerba Mate

Friends enjoying mate

My Favorite Things - My Bible

True story about this Bible...

I was on the beach in Manzanillo, Mexico. This was during the time I was living in Guadalajara and a group of us had traveled to the beach for a couple of weeks. The resort there is absolutely beautiful. One morning I woke up early to catch the cool crispness of the breeze and the crashing of the waves into the shore. I was wrapped in a blanket and sipping coffee while reading my Bible.

This Bible is my favorite since 1985 when I was 15 years old. My parents bought it for me to celebrate the fact that I had finished reading my entire Bible from Genesis through Revelation. My name was printed on it (although you can no longer see it). I used this Bible in college and later years and when I lived in Mexico, I carried it with me wherever I traveled. I also had a Spanish Bible, but this one reminded me of home.

Well, I was on the beach. It was a windy morning and the waves were growing. I looked up and noticed a really big wave coming and wondered if I was far enough from the water to be safe. I was not. That big wave grabbed my coffee, my blanket and my Bible and took them all away into the sea. I could not believe how upset I was. I cried out, "God, please bring me back my Bible!"

Suddenly another big wave came in and brought my Bible straight to my arms. It was drenched and filled with sand, but it had come back to me in a wave just like it had left me in a wave. Over the years, most of the sand has gone. That was 1992. Some of the pages are a total mess and once in a while, I will find a small grain of sand stuck in there. Most days when I read the Bible, I read it on my app or online. But nothing brings me more comfort than reading from this Bible, my precious gift given to me by my mom and dad in 1985, taken from me by a wave in 1992, but graciously returned by my Father in Heaven when I cried out for it.

In my most difficult times in life, this Bible is my constant companion. Over these last few weeks, it has given me the strength I need to breathe. Thank God for my Bible, the SWORD that fights for me every moment.

My Favorite Things - Boots

This post will be a series. Today I'll start with the boots. I took this photo of my feet Saturday afternoon after we had been volunteering at a swim meet all day. Our plan was to head to the Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo BBQ Cook Off. A friend and former co-worker of Bill's invites us every year and he really does make some seriously amazing BBQ. Especially his spicy homemade sauce.

But turns out, Bill and I were just plum tuckered. I did get all dressed up for it, but in the end, we stayed home and made fish tacos. And we needed to be home to work out some of our woes.

The boots, though. Ah, Texas. Deep in my heart, I'm a Texas girl. I would rather be a Colorado girl, but no matter what happens in my life, I was raised in the heart of Texas. Deep East Texas was my childhood home with red dirt, rolling hills and thick Pine trees. In my home town of Nacogdoches we had brick roads in the town square. As a child, I got to go hay baling and horseback riding in the woods. In high school, our parties happened at deer leases. I learned the Texas Two Step when I was a little girl (in fact, it was a requirement for P.E. credit in my school). I grew up on Tex Mex (it's funny that so many people think Texans are consumed with BBQ when in fact, Tex Mex is our "National Cuisine"). I say the word "y'all" with great pride. I know that you are supposed to say "m'am and sir" after the words "yes" and "no".

When I'm wearing my boots, I feel like the girl I used to be. I'm reminded of the decent country folk I grew up around and I feel thankful. From this 7th generation Texan, here's wishing y'all a happy Tuesday.

Lessons I Learned On A Day I Chose NOT To Ask God For Anything

It all started because three times the "love" chapter in the Bible popped up in my life. When something happens three times in a row, I take that as if it were meant for me. Always before in life when I've read the "love" chapter I've read it with the thought that it is there to teach me to love people.

But today, I read it differently. I read it as the Lord telling me to love HIM. I went to my closet and closed my eyes and thought about Jesus. I thought about the night before His crucifixion how He sat in the garden and prayed so passionately that he was sweating blood.

I thought about those drops of blood and how while He was pouring His heart out to His Father and asking Him to not make Him endure the torture of the next day, He was thinking about me. I was on His mind in this distressing moment when He chose to take on the torment because He loved me that much. That is some serious love.

When I thought about that this morning, all I wanted to do was love Him back. I just wanted to reach up and touch Him and hug Him and thank Him. I wished that I had some expensive perfume I could pour on His feet and wipe up with my hair. I wished I could stop working and just go hang out with this AMAZING Lord Who makes my heart so very happy. It's been a long time since I've just thought about how GREAT He is.

I don't think in all my 46 years I've ever once taken a single day and decided not to ask God for anything, but today that's what I'm doing. It's not wrong to ask God for help or guidance or the things we need. That's not why I am choosing this. I am choosing this because today is all about loving Him and nothing more and here are some of the things I've learned already...

• Praying is hard work. Taking a break from praying for things has left me feeling light. When I'm praying, I'm burdened. I'm thinking hard about my problems or about the problems of the person I'm praying for. Those burdens weigh me down. Now I get why Jesus was sweating blood that night He prayed. Praying really wears a person out!
• Focusing on loving Jesus makes all my problems fade away. I know they are all still there and I'll deal with them again tomorrow (with a new strength I'm sure). But for today, while I'm just loving Jesus, I can't even remember my problems.
• Love is better than any other thing. Those words spoken to the Corinthians were true! Love is better than faith. It's better than knowledge. It's better than prophecy and tongues and everything. Love really is the greatest thing!
• I feel like Jesus is my friend. Today, just by loving Him, I feel like He and I are good friends.
• I don't feel weighed down by condemnation. My sins don't feel so big anymore because it feels like they are forgiven.
• I feel like the sun (or Son) is shining on me. There is light all around me, like the clouds of darkness and pain are gone and I'm in this glorious light.
• This is temporary because tomorrow I'll return to praying about the many burdens God gives me, but the best lesson of the day is realizing that I face an eternity of NOT having to pray about burdens. I will live forever ONLY having to love Jesus instead of asking Him for stuff. I can't wait!

Jesus, I love you!

Love

It’s Thursday, the day my husband and I write each other a letter. Today, my letter is about love. I can’t help but think about the love between two people named Christine and Dominick. I’ve known them for many years through Team In Training.

Christine fought three courageous battles against lymphoma and won. Her strength and bravery were evident. Her kindness and compassion drew many to her. Dominick was an amazing caregiver who toughed out all the treatments and stem cell transplant right alongside her, loving her through it all.

Christine died last night suddenly of a heart attack at the age of 45. Today I’ve been in shock. I ran the Houston Marathon with her name on my arm just two weeks ago, inspired by her bravery. Today I’ve mourned her loss. But I’ve also thought a lot about what it takes for a young couple to make their marriage work even in the midst of adversity like Dominick and Christine did.

I think the important word in that sentence is “make”. You have to “make” it work. That’s an action word. That means you and your spouse both DO for each other. Love is a verb after all. It’s what we do for each other that makes the marriage work even in the bad times and sick times and poor times.

Two weeks ago, my husband loved me in deed above word. He had trained hard and raised lots of money for TNT and desperately wanted to get back out there and run a marathon, but was struck with excruciating pain caused by a tear in his abdominal wall. So, he couldn’t run. But instead of sulking and feeling sorry for himself, he loved me. He put me first.

Before we headed down for the weekend, he gave me a beautiful running necklace which I adore. Then he smiled and hugged me and walked to the expo with me. We ate at the inspiration dinner and his attitude was positive. He put the other participants above his own disappointment and listened as they talked non stop about their excitement about the race.

He set his alarm early for race morning and went to the lobby with me to wish everyone luck. He kissed me and then, instead of getting to head to the start line with me, he walked away down the street to his office where he spent the next few hours working. Working and in physical pain instead of running with the other 30,000 runners happy.

He tracked me on the race app and made his way back to the finish line to see me finish, cheering loudly with a smile as I crossed the line. He took care of me after I finished, bought me a latte, drove me home, let me chat about my race while he listened happily, never once mentioning his disappointment and pain.

Bill made it all about me. He LOVED me with his actions. That is how me makes our marriage work. He makes it happen. Doesn’t wish for it to happen. Makes it happen.

He’s my hero. My best friend. The most important man in my world. How I love my Bill.