Justice For Tamar

 

Before I write this long post, I think it is very important to say that I love King David in the Bible. He was a strong and mighty king who God anointed. He ruled with wisdom and courage and strength and he honored the Lord. He wrote so many beautiful psalms that bring me comfort every day.

David trusted God and gave Him his heart from his youth. He defeated Goliath and many of the enemies of God's people. He had to flee from King Saul and then when he had the chance more than once to kill Saul, he refused to touch the anointed king. He trusted God to bring justice.

I could go on and on about what a good man David was and how amazing it is to know that I will actually meet him in Heaven some day. One of the things I love that David said over and over was that he wanted the Lord to remember him for his righteousness. I love that so much because it's one of my prayers too. As humans, we are born with a sin nature. We mess up and sometimes we mess up so bad that we recognize that we deserve to head straight to Hell. But God's grace is an amazing thing and we can turn to Him and ask Him to remember the good we have done and bless us according to our righteousness while asking Him to forgive our sins and wipe us clean.

David will be remembered in eternity for his righteousness. But the Bible also allows us to see David's mess ups. And it's a good thing for us to see because we also get to see that God loves us all even when we mess up super bad. David had an affair with a married woman and got her pregnant and then had her husband killed. Um, that's pretty darn bad. And guess what... it displeased the Lord. In fact, one of the consequences of his big sin was that his baby died at only seven days of age. What a horrible thing for any parent to endure. Another consequence was that for the remainder of his days, David would know war. His life was not easy.

I am so grateful to God for forgiveness. We all need it. We don't earn it. We are given it by grace. So, I am not mad at God for what sometimes seems like a lack of justice. I don't always understand it, but I trust God and fully believe that the day is coming when our real enemy will go down forever and we will be remembered for our righteousness.

What gets to me the most about David and the things he did wrong really is something he didn't do at all. He seemingly failed his own daughter by not coming to her defense when she was violated. This has troubled me all my life. Tamar was a real princess, the daughter of the king of Israel. Yet when she was violently raped by her own brother, David's son, nothing happened to him. He was not punished by David. But Tamar was left to live like trash, all alone and childless for the remainder of her life. She was raped and trashed and never got justice. It angers me. It profoundly hurts me and sometimes I wonder about her and how she was able to breathe.

I know that God's eyes see all of the good and bad here on Earth. He saw what happened to Tamar and I know without an ounce of doubt that God didn't see her as trash. But He did see that she was thrown out like trash to live alone and rejected and hurt for the rest of her sad life. I believe that Tamar is with the Lord. I believe that she and I will be friends in eternity. I believe that she has no memory of the horrible rape or lonely life she was forced to live on this planet.

There were many times when I got mad at David. Of course, we only know what we read in the Bible. Maybe David loved her enough to visit her. But I do know that he did not punish his rapist son. I do not claim to understand what it would be like to have a son do that. I know that us parents love our kids unconditionally, but we also need to see when they do something evil and handle it. I can't help but think of this recent show I saw about a family called the Duggars. It was a documentary about them called "Shiny Happy People". Their daughters were molested by their son and they did nothing! Later, their son was arrested for child pornography! Thankfully, he is in prison now. And guess what! These disgusting parents have rejected their daughter Jill for telling the truth and according to her, they love her "pedophile brother" more than her.

Tamar never got her justice in this life. Her other brother ended up killing her rapist brother two years after the assault. Then he tried to kill David. In fact, David ended up having to flee for his life again, just like he had to do with King Saul. I think that was one of the consequences of not handling the rape. He had a lot of war and very little peace.

But, back to Tamar. She remains one of those sad characters from the Bible whose story hurts me to my core. I have literally cried for her. I have screamed out in pain "JUSTICE FOR TAMAR" so many times. I think about some people I love who are just like Tamar. Alone. Total lack of justice while the rapist has gotten away with his evil deed. I have begged God to help me understand. But I don't. 

I think women were treated badly. Women were treated like they were not as important as men. But I know that is not how God sees us. How do I know? Because I know God. Also because of Jesus. Jesus is God and He came to Earth as a Man to save us all. While He was here, He showed us all how God feels about women and children. He was friends with women and He loved hanging out with kids. God loved men too. He loved men who were poor and he loved men who were rich. He loved Jews and He loved Gentiles. He loved everyone in the world so much that He became the sacrificial Lamb and died for us all. Now, whoever of us chooses to believe in Him will never die. We will live forever with Him, completely free of sin forever and ever.

Jesus really is the only answer to the pain I feel for Tamar. He is the only answer to the pain I feel for the others who have to live like Tamar did. He loved Tamar. I have to believe that even in her pain, He was with her. He loved on her. It grieved Him to see what happened to the beautiful princess. So, maybe Tamar (and so many others) don't get the justice they deserve here, but God loves the broken hearted. He died for us all and I await His return.

See you soon, Tamar.

The Power of Forgiveness

 

"I would make him pay." These words have been spoken to me more than once and in more than one situation. And trust me, I get it. And trust me, I sometimes want to make somebody pay when they have wronged me or someone I love.

But, I bought a sweatshirt that says "I'm going to let God fix it because if I fix it, I'm going to jail". And I remind myself of that truth over and over so that I don't rush out and take vengeance.

Today, I am writing down the things I've learned about forgiveness so that when I need a fresh reminder, all I have to do is look back here. The biggest lesson I have learned is that forgiveness is not about the person who hurt me. It is about me. It is removing the chains that bind me to the pain and trauma and horror of what was inflicted upon me when I did not deserve any of it. And, boy does that give me a tiny glimpse of God and another way to feel a small amount of what Jesus did for me and all of us when He took on a horrendous punishment for something He didn't do. He took on pain and trauma and the horror of being totally cut off from the Father. That was forgiveness.

So, if somebody hurts me, what right do I have to hold on to the damage? Jesus let go of every bad thing I ever would do by suffering and dying. Therefore, I can follow His lead and do the same. And here is the best part... although forgiveness does not fix the sin of the other person and make their heart right with God (that is on them to sort out with Him), it does lift a huge, painful weight off of me! Forgiveness is freedom!

Let it go.

It's not just that we don't "make them pay". It is truly letting it go.

Let it go.

Let go of the pain.

Let go of the anger.

Let go of the anxiety.

Let go of the sorrow.

Let go of the self pity.

Let go of the shame.

Let go of the loss.

Let go of the memory as best as you can.

Let go of the constant thoughts about it.

Let it go.

I can't carry that heavy load, so I...

LET IT GO.

Forgive- I will not get back the money they stole or the time they stole or anything. When I let it all go, I set myself free of the damage inflicted upon me by holding on to something. My forgiveness does not justify the wrong done to me and it does not resolve the sin for that person. They have to get that stuff settled between them and God. Honestly, I wouldn't want to be in their shoes, having something so heavy and evil between me and God. Forgiveness isn't the same as saying "what you did is ok". What that person did is evil. Forgiveness removes those wretched chains from me and sets me free to live with joy and peace and comfort. What an amazing gift from an amazing Father.

Well, I believe everything I wrote, but I wrote it here so that I can remember it again in case I get busy remembering the bad stuff done to me. And by the way, this was all about forgiving, not forgetting because I have a brain and a memory so I can't forget stuff. That's why I said let go of the memory as best as you can. When I remember the bad stuff, I can choose to remember to let it go too.

Let it go.

Somebody's Missing

 

Today is Sunday, September 3, 2023. As I sip another cup of coffee, I can hear my husband and daughter upstairs watching Formula One. Morgan is spending a few days with us for this long Labor Day weekend. We have done a lot of fun stuff together starting Wednesday night when she and I attended the Jonas Brothers concert. We will wrap up the long weekend tomorrow at Globe Life Field to see the Rangers and Astros play baseball.

It has been a pleasant few days minus the worry we had yesterday when Walker County went up in flames and we thought my parents would have to evacuate. Although there are still more than 4000 acres ablaze, the fire is 40% contained and all evacuation orders have been lifted. So, yay for that good news.

Meanwhile, I'm a bit low. Dylan has been gone for over three weeks, but it feels like months. I have not heard his voice or even received a letter in the mail. This is very likely not his fault because we have been having problems with our mail lately and all I can do is hope that they finally get all our mail to us.

I have heard that several of the officer candidates have been given an email or will be getting to place a 10 minute phone call soon. The only reason I know they finished indoc phase is because some of the candidates were given permission to make a 60 second phone call if they had family in Florida so they could check in after the hurricane.

I know Dylan is safely in Rhode Island. I know he is still in his class and hasn't been rolled or else I would have received a phone call. My mom heart is aching right now though. I just want a quick email or phone call even if only 60 seconds so I can know he's ok. I want to get just a word from him. So many people outside of this OCS world think it's just like a semester at college. Wrong. In college, your kids can call you or text you. You can find out how they are doing. You can send care packages. Heck, if they aren't too far away, you can even go visit.

This is so hard for me. I'm thankful for the Facebook groups where I can communicate with other parents and spouses of the candidates. It makes me not feel as alone. We have heard some interesting stories from this class. On day one, some candidates got rolled and some dropped. Every step of the way is hard because these men and women don't just have to be strong physically and mentally/emotionally, but they also have to be highly academic. They have to get up at 4 in the morning and they don't go to bed til very late. They have to be constantly screamed while remaining focused and under control. 

I have faith in God and in Dylan. But this mom heart, oh my mom heart. Please Lord, let me hear my son's voice if only for a brief moment. I am enjoying the weekend, but my baby is missing.